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jokes of the day:
Simple Mathematics:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have
certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am
otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you
will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my
18-year old secretary. I'll be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed
letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year
old pool boy. Since you are an accountant, you will
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes
into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife
Mirror, Mirror ... On the Wall ...:
After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old
codger decided it
was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he
picks up a mirror
and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How
about that!
Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered
his wife, Lizzy,
didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every
morning before
leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the
barn. One day
after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the
mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the old
gal he's
runnin' after."
Hired help:
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
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