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jokes of the day:
Cigarrete:
PICKUP LINE:

I was sitting here holding this cigarrete and I realized I'd rather be holding you.
 Dead Priests:
Two priests died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"

The first priest said, "I've always wanted to be an eagle soaring above the Rocky mountains."

"So be it," said St. Peter, and off flew the first priest.

The second priest mulled it over for a moment and asked, "Will any of this week 'count,' St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," said the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," said St. Peter, and the second priest disappeared.

A week went by, the computer was fixed, and the Lord told St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asked.

"The first one should be easy," said St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult. He's on a snow tire somewhere in Minnesota."
 Suitable punishment:
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
 












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