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jokes of the day:
Adam Strikes A Bargain:
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
Restaurant Ergonomics:
A guy is eating at an exclusive eatery when the waiter comes up to his table and asks if everything is okay. The man replies "Yes," but during the conversation drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter immediately pulls a spoon out of his shirt pocket.
The man asks, "Why do you carry a spoon in your pocket?"
The waiter says that the place is so busy all the time, the employees need to save time any way they can. So they did a survey and the most dropped eating utensil was the spoon. Now, all the waiters carry spoons so they don't have to go to the kitchen and get one. The man thinks that is great.
Later on, the waiter again stops by to see if everything is okay. This time, the man notices a string sticking out of the waiter's zipper. He asks what that was for, and the waiter says, "When we go to the bathroom, we just grab the string and pull it out. That way we don't have to wash our hands, thus saving us time."
"Interesting," says the man, "But how do you put it back in your pants when you're done?"
The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon."
Stop him from coming home late:
One afternoon, a woman was complaining to her new next-door neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"
The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."
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