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jokes of the day:
Restaurant Ergonomics:
A guy is eating at an exclusive eatery when the waiter comes up to his table and asks if everything is okay. The man replies "Yes," but during the conversation drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter immediately pulls a spoon out of his shirt pocket.
The man asks, "Why do you carry a spoon in your pocket?"
The waiter says that the place is so busy all the time, the employees need to save time any way they can. So they did a survey and the most dropped eating utensil was the spoon. Now, all the waiters carry spoons so they don't have to go to the kitchen and get one. The man thinks that is great.
Later on, the waiter again stops by to see if everything is okay. This time, the man notices a string sticking out of the waiter's zipper. He asks what that was for, and the waiter says, "When we go to the bathroom, we just grab the string and pull it out. That way we don't have to wash our hands, thus saving us time."
"Interesting," says the man, "But how do you put it back in your pants when you're done?"
The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon."
Voices in my Head:
PICKUP LINE:
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!
Stairs Of Heaven:
There were three guys that died, and to make it to heaven, they had to go up 100 flights of stairs. Each stair had a naked woman on it. They had to make it up all the stairs without getting a woody.
The first guy went up, and he made it 25 stairs. The naked lady asked, "What were you before you died?" and the man said, "I was a carpenter." So she hammered his dick off.
The second guy went up, and he made it 50 stairs. The lady asked, "What were you before you died?" and he said, "I was a wood cutter." So she sawed his dick off.
Finally the third guy went up. He made it 99 stairs, and the naked lady asked, "What were you before you died?" and he says, "I was a lollipop! Ha ha, bitch, you gotta suck my dick off!"
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