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jokes of the day:
Adam Strikes A Bargain:
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
_ _ _
Your Mother Insulted Me:The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her
husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother
insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles
away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened
it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come
in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice,
don't forget to give this letter to George.'
_ _ _
Cure for Dandruff:A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?'
_ _ _
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