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jokes of the day:
Adam Strikes A Bargain:
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
Get the Pigs Pregnant:
A farmer had 50 female pigs and wanted them all pregnant. His friend told him to screw them himself. If in the morning they were rolling in the hay, they weren't pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud, they were. The farmer decides this is a good idea, and that night he loads all the pigs into his truck, takes them into the woods, and screws them all.
The next morning, he looks out the window and sees all the pigs rolling in the hay. He's really frustrated, but decides to give it one more shot. So that night he takes all the pigs to the woods and screws them again. The next morning, he looks out the window, and all the pigs are rolling in the hay. He's really tired, but thinks he'll try one more time. That night he takes all the pigs out and screws them yet again.
The next morning, he's too tired to look out the window, so he tells his wife to tell him if the pigs are rolling in the mud or the hay. She goes to the window and tells him he better look for himself. The farmer goes to the window and sees all the pigs in the truck honking the horn and waiting for him.
Painting Interpretation:
A couple attending an Art exhibition was looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist, an Irishman, walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I`m the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don`t understand why you have three African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis."
The artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They`re not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
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