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jokes of the day:
Growing Wild:
In sunny Califorina there was a man who was very proud of
his tan. He had taned every part of his body except his
penis. So wanting an all over tan, he decided to bury
himself in the sand and leave only his dick out to get the
all over tan that he craved. Now there happened to be an old
lady (around 80) hobbling down that same beach. When she
looked down and saw this penis laying on the sand. Taking
her cane she touched it and it got hard. She said " 40 years
ago I would have given anything for one of thoughs and here
that are growing wild.
Cross Check:
An Army chaplain, walking through a notorious section of
town, saw a soldier exiting a known house of prostitution.
The soldier paused on the sidewalk and gestured with his
right hand in a manner familiar to the good Catholic
chaplain.
The chaplain promptly approached the errant soldier, saying,
"I'm sorry to see a good Catholic lad like you, coming out of
a place like that."
"Well, padre, I'm not Catholic," answered the GI.
"But I clearly saw you cross yourself as you came out of
there."
"No - but when I come out of a place like that, I always
check four things: My spectacles, my testicles, my watch
and my wallet."
Hired help:
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
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